my trader joe's haul

an Italian moment

Good morning, everyone.

I wanted to give you a sneak peek into my latest Trader Joe’s grocery haul. Now, most people love Trader Joe’s for its endless snack options.

Take my new coworker, Vanessa*. She buys their knock-off Takis for her 12-year-old daughter. My brother Rudy is ride-or-die for their peanut butter cups. Liz, a dear friend, loves their gf bagels. And my Arizona workout sisters, Jenna and Maddie evangelize the chocolate croissants. Allegedly life-changing.

Now, I adore each of these people. A new coworker, a younger brother, an ex, and my gym queens. But their snack choices are not exactly aspirational.

Trader Joe’s markets “better” versions of junk food. And somewhere along the way, “better than” got confused with healthy.

Sure, we should applaud the fact that they ditch artificial dyes and corn syrup. I love that. But let’s not kid ourselves—products like Scandinavian Swimmers (iconic name, to be fair) are still just health-suppressing, ultra-refined sugar bombs with cute, quirky packaging.

And in the chips, crackers, and cookie departments, TJ’s is still riding hard for seed oils and glyphosate-laden flour.

So in the spirit of helping you unwashed masses become a little more like me, I’ve posted a photo and breakdown of my recent Trader Joe’s grocery haul.

Pink Lady apples: Honesty, not my favorite variety. But I’m trying to challenge myself to try new things. Like thinking more carefully before I speak to my boss about arduous systems and unnecessary procedures. Also, each apple variety has its own unique antioxidants, so it’s kind of fun to switch them up on a weekly basis.

Raspberry Oranges??: New discovery. Looks-wise, the fruit meat is an intense crimson. Great flavor too. Verdict: will purchase again.

Strawberries: They’re getting more flavorful as we head into summer!

Red onions and mini peppers: I’m going to make a pasta salad with these nutrient-rich veggies. (Remember Kevin? My friend who drinks energy drinks? Well, he told me my pasta salad slaps. In the moment, I was stoked. But after witnessing the energy drink moment, I’m now reevaluating Kevin’s judgment.)

Golden potatoes: Garlic mashed potatoes, naturally.

Cucumbers: Felt right.

Goat milk and yogurt: Cow milk doesn’t settle with me very well. And before you say “Have you tried A2/A2??”—yes. Yes, I’ve had raw A2/A2 from my family’s Jersey cow, and it still made me feel 200 pounds overweight. Goat milk, on the other hand? Makes me feel unstoppable.

Basil, cilantro, mint, thyme: Will cure all forms of depression.

Arugula: The leafy green I love to hate. It’s sorta growing on me, tbh.

Mascarpone cheese: Level up your beef Bolognese with a spoonful.

Mozzarella balls: Integral to the pasta salad.

Sun-dried tomatoes: Dang, I am just now realizing how Italian this grocery run was.

Cherry tomatoes: 7-year-old Vance’s least favorite food. I had significant showdowns with my parents at the dinner table over these things. Sort of like how Batman leaned into his fear to make it a symbol of strength, I’m turning my rough history with fresh tomatoes on its head. Here’s to second chances. Here’s to saving Gotham.

Lemon pasta: Envision this: You. Me. A summer in Italy.

*Not her real name. Figured I should keep her anonymous—wouldn’t want an HR complaint on my hands.