Secretary Pete Hegseth: Less Drag Shows, More Pull-Ups
R.I.P. to D.E.I.
Good morning everyone.
I want to start by saying that if you’re still drinking plastic bottled water like my boss did in an important business meeting yesterday (I was so distracted. David! What are you doing?!), it’s time to re-harmonize the orchestra that is your endocrine system by opting for a glass or stainless steel water bottle instead of plastic.
There are more microplastics in plastic bottled water than in tap water. And unless you’re a barbarian, I’m sure you’re drinking filtered tap water, adding an addition mechanism against the bioaccumulation of microplastics. The best case scenario is well water that is not from Chernobyl.
BTW: I talked to my boss about the water bottle situation. Like any good boss, he listened, appreciated my concern, and said he was going to do the work. This what managing up looks like, Buttercups.
Lessons learned from a 117 year old woman: Maria Branyas Morera, who passed away at 117, requested that her genes be studied after her death. Researchers discovered high levels of beneficial bacteria in her microbiome, which they attributed to her daily three servings of yogurt.
What this means for us: eat your yogurt so you can stick around to celebrate Running On Butter’s Centennial, which I promise will be epic. Invites go out June 2119.
But before we all jump on the yogurt train, a warning: most yogurt on the market is doing more harm than good thanks to its sugar overload or synthetic sweeteners—both of which, ironically, wreck the very microbiome they claim to help.
Go for the unsweetened, unflavored, full-fat kind—or kefir (yogurt’s fun cousin)—which I’m currently eating over a bowl of berries and Purely Elizabeth granola.
A new study found that what mothers eat during pregnancy affects their children’s risk of heart disease later in life. I was just talking to a friend at church who’s pregnant with her eighth, and she said all she eats during pregnancy are chicken nuggets. Will I blame gestational dietary habits when her unborn baby develops early-onset atherosclerosis and can’t make it to the Running On Butter Centennial? Absolutely.
Just kidding. This particular mom is an absolute saint (you know who you are) and receives a 0/10 on the ROB judgment scale.
But while we’re on the topic—I’m calling on all the Buttercup moms! Drop your pregnancy cravings and hacks in the comments. How did you manage to eat nutrient-dense meals when all you really wanted were chicken nuggets???
The experts say RFK Jr.’s MAHA agenda for healthier food isn’t going to work, thanks to the great reporting from The New York Times. I for one am so grateful we have the experts to help us navigate what’s true in the food lane. They’ve done such a stellar job over the past 60 years solving the obesity and metabolic disease crisis. Where would we be without them? Trust the process. Trust the experts.
I am rooting for these three brothers playing for the LSU football team together.
Harry Styles finished the Berlin Marathon in under 3 hours, averaging a 6:50 mile pace. Distance-running is so much better than dress-wearing Harry.
Secretary of War Pete Hegseth gathered the top-ranking military officials and basically said: fewer drag shows, more pull-ups. I texted a high-ranking military friend to ask what he thought about Secretary Hegseth’s remarks:
Hegseth also said there wouldn’t be a different standard for men and women in combat roles—which is really angering the lefties, including this one. Like, do we really need more jacked guys in the Special Forces? It’s not giving diversity. It’s not giving inclusion.
What America’s military really needs to show China, Russia, and Iran what global hegemony looks like is more minority females on SEAL Team Six. We need more Jessicas and Ashleys and fewer Codys and Jakes.
But not according to the close-minded Hegseth: “War does not care if you’re a man or a woman,” he said. “Neither does the enemy.”
In all seriousness: Running On Butter loves to see the return of high fitness standards in the military. It’s cool—inspiring, even—to witness a young SecDef out here doing workouts in the snow with the Army guys.
It’s also comforting, as an American, to know we’re holding combat positions to the highest standard of excellence. My supposition is that the lefties angry about these standards still demand precision from their oat milk lattes made by their socialist barista.
If you think an unqualified barista can ruin your morning, just wait until we’re facing national security threats with unqualified soldiers. Ashley and Jessica may break the glass ceiling—but our national security will break right along with it.
I eventually learned to make my pregnancy cravings at home/from scratch in order to make them healthier and saved a lot of money.
This one had me rolling, your writing style is great! Feels like I’m listening to you talk and just riff.