The Definitive Ranking of Apples 🍎🍏

Honeycrisp falls short, Red Delicious finishes dead last

Good morning everyone.

Special letter today. We have a guest contributor.

His name is Anson Stoller (better known as Chicken Joe), and he serves as the official ROB ambassador to Orange County, California, where he proselytizes surfer groms and babes in all the ROB ways.

I was hanging with Anson last weekend when he showed me what I can only describe as a groundbreaking piece of independent research: an apple grading list ranking sixteen different varieties. And now, graciously, he has agreed to release his findings to the public.

Anson’s methodology:

Basically, I bought a bundle of apples each week and tested out the flavor then the next week moved onto the next flavor. Sprouts was the best store cause they had more variety and once the next season starts I’ll try the ones I missed. I also had heirloom apple juice which was super good and wanna try one of those apples.

I refrigerate my apples but then wash them with warm water and idk if it does anything but I feel like it might make them taste better. I eat the apple on my drive to work and then throw the apple out the window to plant more trees.

I also heard you can eat an apple from the top down and there’s no core but I’m too scared to try it.

One time I dropped an apple and the dent somehow smushed all the sweetness together and it was a delicious bite.

Another time I left an apple in my car for a few days and it was like about to ferment and tasted insanely sweet.

And I eat them with my mouth. I think cutting them up takes away their power

And I haven’t gotten sick since I started and I used to always get sick.

🍎 Red Delicious 1/10

🍏 Bramley 3/10 (super sour)

🍎 Envy 3/10

🍏 Granny Smith 4/10

🍎 Ambrosia 4.5/10 (lighter flavor. Kinda like gala but lighter)

🍎 Fuji 5/10

🍎 Gala 5.5/10

🍏 Opal 6/10

🍎 Wild Twist 6.5/10

🍎 Gravenstein 7/10

🍎 Hunnyz 7/10

🍎 Pink Lady 7/10

🍎 SugarBee 7.5/10 (Very interesting. Almost has bready and cherry flavors. Deeper tones of sweetness.)

🍎 Honeycrisp 8/10 (Tastes like apple juice.)

🍎 Cosmic Crisp 9/10

🍏Golden Snap 9.5/10

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Be sure to thank Anson for his thoughtful approach. We are all beneficiaries of his percipient taste.

I also must say that there is plenty of cool research showing apples to be quite beneficial.

In one study, researchers separated overweight adults into two groups. For six weeks, one group ate a whole Gala apple every day while the other group didn’t. After six weeks, the group that ate the apple experienced reductions in inflammatory markers, with C-reactive protein decreasing by 17%, IL-6 by 12.4%, and LPS-binding protein by 20.7%. All this group did was add an apple to their life, and inflammation markers went down. How cool is that?!

A different study of more than a thousand older women found that those who ate apples had a longer life expectancy.

But what’s coolest about apples is the hundreds of unique phytochemicals found in each one.

Take, for example, phloretin and phloridzin, two phytonutrients in apples that can suppress inflammation in the gut. There’s also quercetin, which has demonstrated anti-cancer properties and benefits the vascular system. And procyanidins in apples also inhibit the progression of osteoporosis.

These are just a few of the hundreds of unique compounds found in apples, each of which may provide distinctive benefits to cells and systems throughout the body.

Apples are not just “a great source of vitamin C.” They’re multifaceted powerhouses that everyone should be eating. Especially this time of year.

There’s absolutely no reason we shouldn’t be eating at least one fresh apple a day right now. If you don’t know where to start, learn from Anson’s wisdom.

An apple a day. It may very well keep the doctor away.