Good morning Buttercups.
I didn’t mean for today’s letter to get so sporty, but I didn’t want to leave anything on the field. I wanted this one to be a homer. A walk-off grand slam. A touchdown. An ace serve. A buzzer-beater.
A… okay, whatever. Let’s just get to it.
The NFL loves Uncrustables: Whenever I daydream about being a professional athlete pulling in seven- or eight-figure paychecks (happens daily), the first thing I imagine is having a personal chef. Someone creating fresh, nutrient-dense meals that build strength and maximize endurance between workouts. Heaven.
Running on butter, if you will.
But over in the NFL, where the average salary clocks in at $3.2 million a year, players are running on Uncrustables.
The PB&J sandwich disks that are typically associated with low income households reliant on SNAP benefits.
You might say that for big athletic NFL guys, it doesn’t really matter what they eat. They just need calories. Quick calories.
To which I say: utter foolishness.
The exact opposite is true. The guys who burn the most fuel are the ones who most need to prioritize quality. Saying food quality doesn’t matter because they burn through it so fast is like saying fuel doesn’t matter for a race car. In reality, race cars require highly specialized, precision-engineered gasoline for high-performance racing. Or else they fail catastrophically.
Uncrustables ingredients—glyphosate-laced flour, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, soybean oil, etc.—still do exactly what they do in every human body: foster inflammation, suppress immunity, and, I guarantee you: stunt athletic performance while increasing the risk of injury.
To achieve optimal performance, athletes should do an honest indictment of their fuel supply. Are they eating foods that build health and fitness—or quietly rob it?
Team USA Keeps Women’s Sports for… Women: Team USA just did something that—sadly—is necessary: it confirmed that when sending USA women to compete at the Olympics, you must be a woman. This stance was taken after Team USA had “a series of respectful and constructive conversations with federal officials.”
Translation: the Trump administration said XX only or kiss your funding goodbye.
It’s a win for sure. But we’ve still got work to do. California Gov. Gavin Newsom (a bonafide Buttercup we typically really like) is suing over the Trump order barring men from women’s sports. There’s also the male runner who’s suing Princeton for not letting him compete in a women’s race.
In related news, two of California’s leading hospitals have announced they’re halting gender-affirming care for minors. One of them—Children’s Hospital Los Angeles—was run by Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy, a longtime advocate for early medical interventions like puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and double mastectomies.
She now faces multiple medical malpractice lawsuits. I wrote about her—and one of the young patients she irreversibly harmed—back in January. You can read that piece here.
Venus Williams, 45, won the opening round of the Citi Open in DC. Her fiancé, Italian movie star Andrea Preti, encouraged her to try to come back. We love to see a supportive fiancé.
After winning the Open Championship, Scottie Scheffler said success isn’t where he places his identity. Super cool. It’s a lot easier to say that when you lose. Good for Scottie.
Washington, D.C. is allegedly the fittest city in America, according to the American College of Sports Medicine. Makes sense. Nobody works harder than Capitol Hill staffers.
World Athletics is monitoring the unpaid balances from Grand Slam Track, the new league founded by Olympic sprinting champion Michael Johnson. The league reportedly owes athletes over $12 million but has failed to deliver due to insufficient funds. As a longtime track fan, this is incredibly disappointing. I watched all three Grand Slam meets with excitement and hope. So when the fourth and final event was abruptly canceled, it wasn’t just a letdown, it was embarrassing for the sport.
Caitlin Clark, a basketball player (apparently women play basketball now), says watching movies like The Parent Trap has helped her recover from injury. Great film. Lindsay Lohan at her peak.
"we have to give them something they will actually eat."
This is the same response you get from "child care professionals."
Except here the adults are getting bossed around by 2-8 year children.
At least the dietitians are getting bossed around by entitled 24 year old millionaires