What Driscoll's Did to Your Berries
+ Merch Drop
Good morning everyone.
Last week, Alexandra and I went shopping, where she was on the hunt for me to wear something “respectable” for some upcoming meetings. We went to Loro Piana and Brunello Cucinelli, two fine Italian designers with whom I was unfamiliar.
Upon being in those stores with the great playlists and helpful tailors who provided espresso while we were fitting summer linen pants, I had the thought: Running On Butter needs to enter the luxury fashion market.
Like Cucinelli and Loro Piana, we’re visionaries here at ROB, and it would be unkind for us to withhold our excellent taste from the general public. So we saw it as our duty to design a Running On Butter sweatshirt for y’all.
As with the best luxury brands, this sweatshirt isn’t merely nice to look at. It’s a statement piece. It’s an indictment of who you are and where you belong. This piece says: you’ve arrived. You are elite.
Now, is it handmade in Italy? No. I think it’s made in Indonesia or something, probably in some questionable working environments, but hey—kids gotta work too!
You can buy this one-of-a-kind piece here.
Remember, as Alexandra told me when I saw the price tag on the loafers she picked out for me, it’s an investment.
(Alexandra is wearing a size small and she told me I had to say to size down because it fits like a medium.)
The country broke down this week after reading an Atlantic piece citing that on 18% of the country reads on a regular basis. Many people are concerned and upset about this. Me? I’m not mad. It’s actually going to make my job here at ROB a lot easier as illiteracy proliferates. I’ll just start communicating nutritional truth via TikTok dances and emojis. 🍟🍬🍩😀💊☠️🪦
Liquor sales are dropping. Probably a good thing, but boy, sobriety is NOT easy.
Gordon Ramsay is partnering with Uber Eats. We’ve tracked Gordon’s downfall closely, as he partnered with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter last year. Now he’s essentially saying not only to cook with industrial, solidified seed oils, but also: actually, just order Chick-fil-A and have it at your door in thirty minutes. Gross. Depressing. ROB says: Gordon, go straight back to Hell’s Kitchen.
The FDA approved a new cholesterol-lowering drug from Merck. Other than the Great Commission, the good Lord put me on this earth to be the meteorite that destroys the idea that cholesterol is bad. LDL cholesterol is not bad and never was. In fact, people who have lower LDL have a shorter life expectancy than those of us with higher LDL. I say “us” because my LDL is incredibly high, thanks to all the butter I eat. But I’m not worried about atherosclerosis because the quality of my LDL particles—big and buoyant—is actually incredibly essential to my overall health, including hormone production, cell protection, and yes, vascular health too. It’s the small LDL particles that have oxidized that are the problem. Butter and saturated fat do not oxidize LDL. What does are inflammatory foods like refined sugar and seed oils. Merck’s new drug—based on a scientific hoax—will come $10.50 per daily pill or $315 per month, which inevitably generate billions in revenue.
Gen Z’s new thing is birding. Wholesome.
A dental student went to the ICU. He died without ever being examined by a doctor. Telehealth ICUs—where ER doctors monitor patients remotely—are expanding. And as a result, the quality of care is dropping. I feel like being an ER physician is not one of those jobs where you can work from home. Like, Oh, you have a shift on Friday, but you want to head to the lake for a long weekend? Just log in. “Sorry, my Wifi’s a little spotty up here at the cabin. Can you zoom in on the hemorrhaging patient for me?”
Britain is implementing a midnight-to-6 a.m. social media curfew for teenagers. However, you can opt out—sort of like every other law in Britain right now.
How to handle the cyclospora situation (which is way more dramatic than it needs to be): grow your own veggies or shop at the farmers market.
One of God’s greatest gifts to mankind is fresh fruit. And here at ROB, we don’t discriminate against any particular fruit. We love them all. When they’re in season.
But now, as a result of advanced agricultural technology, concepts of fruit seasons are pastime. At least, that’s how Driscoll’s, the $7 billion berry company, is conditioning us.
Strawberries in November and blueberries at Christmas? Sounds like something generations before us would dream of, or perhaps how their pastor might describe the feast of the lion and the lamb.
But now that we do have fresh berries 365 days a year, it just doesn’t feel right. Like an endless summer vacation where vacation becomes the norm, not the exception, therefore diluting its specialness.
Driscolls may seem like they’re just a family farm, carrying on a legacy of growing strawberries to be judged at the county fair, when in reality, their operation mirrors something like Pfizer scientists creating a new biotechnology.
From a NYT piece on the company last week:
Inside a nearby laboratory, where two full-time sensory scientists make their assessments, 210 raspberry varieties were laid out in a grid of plastic pints. Some had been bred for visual appeal, with more shapely shoulders, uniform drupelets and less “hair” (the thin red styles that sprout where the berry is pollinated). Others were developed to maximize yield, with fewer thorns and better “plant architecture” — tall, fluffy stalks that make the berries easy to pick. Each cultivar is tested for qualities like P.S.I., the interior pressure that determines whether a berry will yield to the teeth with an explosive, juicy pop.
In some regards, ROB loves that fresh fruit is more accessible than ever. But at the same time, we’re also as metabolically unhealthy as ever, so it’s not like strawberries in January are making us ready for swimsuit season in July.
And with the intensive hybridization to make fruit as sweet as possible—and to improve things like appearance, yield, and shelf life—we’re breeding the nutrition out of the food. What may seem healthy, like a strawberry, is essentially flavored water.
Meanwhile, wild fruit remains a nutrient boss. Wild blueberries, for example, contain 3x the antioxidants than farmed blueberries. One of the coolest things you can do for your health this summer is take a mountain hike, find some wild berries, and eat a ton of them. Just make sure they’re not poisonous.