Health News Round-Up: Trump, Oat Milk, FDA, and much more.

RFK Jr. Is On The Move

The U.S. Senate voted 52-48 to confirm Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as the nation's health secretary. The vote was split on party lines, except Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) giving him a no-vote.

Why did McConnell hold out, you ask? As a Kentuckian, I suspect he fears the fate of Kentucky Fried Chicken and bourbon. Under Bobby Kennedy's watch, selling such products will be outlawed and punishable by 10 minutes in a cold water plunge and the carnivore diet. (I'm sure the $2 million Senator McConnell has received from big pharma has little to do with his nay vote against Bobby.)

If someone had told me five years ago that Bobby would lead our nation's top health agencies, I would've LOL'd and not taken it seriously. Back then, it seemed like the longest shot that Bobby—pharma's biggest foe—could take over the government agencies so intertwined with pharma.

Bobby is ready to make America healthy again. I couldn't be more thrilled.

RIP Red 3

From Kool-Aid to Swedish Fish to children's cough syrup, Red 3 has been a feature—not the exception—of American food and drug products for the past 35 years. And last month, the FDA banned Red 3. This is a massive win for all Americans, given that this petrochemical dye is known to cause cancer in animals.

I celebrate the FDA's mandate. But the agency should've made this move in 1990 when they banned the dye in cosmetics. It was dangerous enough to prohibit L'Oréal and Mac from using it for lipstick, but safe enough for our children's lunches. Make it make sense.

We're called to forgive the FDA's negligence. But listen to me, Buttercups: we must never forget. Sure, we'll bury the hatchet. But we'll also keep a map of where we buried it.

Oat Milk's Day at Court

Sitting next to Blake Lively and President Trump, oat milk is facing legal heat. A London court ruled that the brand Oatly cannot use the word "milk" in its advertising, citing that the term must be reserved for mammals.

The suit was brought against Oatly by U.K. dairy farmers, who, in my head, wear wool sweaters and flat caps, and are generally unhappy old men. You say petty, I say good riddance. Nothing screams socialism and dependence like oat milk, and these grumpy farmers undoubtedly voted for Brexit. Take Back Control. Keep Great Britain great. Keep milk milk.

(Reminder: the second ingredient in Oatly is rapeseed oil, a problematic seed oil.)

Trump Takes On Gender-Affirming Care

As I recently wrote, irreversible procedures and drugs for confused children is a medical scandal. President Trump agrees. From his executive order:

Across the country today, medical professionals are maiming and sterilizing a growing number of impressionable children under the radical and false claim that adults can change a child’s sex through a series of irreversible medical interventions. This dangerous trend will be a stain on our Nation’s history, and it must end.

In response to this executive order, Hawaiian lawmakers introduced a bill that would make the islands a "sanctuary" for children seeking gender-affirming care. Hawaiians: this is not mahalo. Hang loose; don't trans the youth 🤙🏻

Microplastic Brains

My greatest fear as a child was that my mother and father would put me up for adoption because I was the ninth born and I was both strange and annoying. Fortunately for me, they chose to raise me themselves. Unfortunately for my parents, my personality has only grown more strange and annoying (see: runnningonbutter.com).

Now, as an adult, there's nothing that causes crippling fear like the omnipresence of microplastics. I've read too much on the hormone-assaulting chemicals. I swear I can see, taste, and hear them. Microplastics haunt me. And research keeps validating my fears.

If I sound fatalistic, it's because I am. I wrote a stanza to reflect my agony:

To my Buttercups, hear my fear,

Microplastics far and near.

In fruits we trust, in grains we crave,

Tiny shards that we can’t save.

They hide in food, they fill the air,

A quiet threat that's always there.

So let the fear take hold of me,

As I succumb to what I see.

One way you can minimize microplastics is by replacing all plasticware and pre-made microwaveable meals with glassware. Ditch the plastic. Save a sea turtle. Save your fertility.

Love. This. Governor.

His state may be in ashes, but there's a good fire burning in the hearts of Buttercups for Governor Newsom's food-related policies and dashing haircut. In addition to being the first governor to ban food dyes, the leader of the California Communist Party signed an executive order directing state agencies to limit the harms associated with ultra-processed foods.

Not sure what this means practically, but I love the vibe.

As far as I'm concerned, the state's homelessness, unaffordability, poor education, and fire mismanagement, do not matter. California's got a Buttercup in charge! Trust the process.