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Trump v. Harris: Who's Healthier?

Updated: Nov 2, 2024

On November 5th, the best country to ever exist will choose its next leader.


Unless the Buttercups turn out in droves to write in their favorite autocrat (that would be me, peasants), Americans will decide to Make America Great Great or choose to be unburdened by what has been.


Both campaigns are begging for a Running On Butter endorsement. But as a respected media member, my neutrality to the election shall remain steadfast.


In light of the election, I dug up some of the current nominees' most noteworthy health habits—both positive and deleterious.


Should these insights inform your voting?


That's up to you.


 

Donald J. Trump: “It’s a certain standard”


Whether you wear a MAGA hat or are hooked on MSNBC, we should all set aside our feelings for the 45th (and 47th?) president and acknowledge that the food he eats is devastating.


Trump’s diet reportedly comprises McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke. When CNN asked about his dietary habits, Trump answered, “I think you’re better off going there [fast food restaurants] than maybe someplace where you have no idea where the food is coming from. It’s a certain standard.”


It’s like he’s a tote-carrying Portlander who must know the farmer who grows his organic root veggies.


The way fast food restaurants make their food is notoriously shady. I get that presidents get to know secrets like who killed JFK and why it was the CIA. But I don’t think they get to know the secretive ways of the fast food industry. For example, McDonald’s french fries contain nine ingredients, including “beef flavor,” comprising dozens, if not hundreds, of undisclosed chemicals.


 

A Moment for MAHA

While Trump is the anti-hero of healthy eating, he’s surrounded by the Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) movement, led by Big Food’s most formidable opponent, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.


MAHA is an apolitical movement that should excite us all. Don’t let The Atlantic or The New York Times convince you that clean air, pure water, and real food are right-wing. You’re smarter than that.


 

Kamala Harris: "Caramel is like, my favorite."


According to Women's Health (I don't love that Women's Health is cited in this revered space, but here we are), Kamala Harris starts each day with a workout. "It's just the best way to start the day," she said. "It gets your blood flowing. It gets your adrenaline flowing."


I could not agree more with Kamala on this issue.


Anyone who knows me understands that working out is my love language. There's nothing more meaningful than spending some gym time trauma-bonding with friends and family. And honestly, I'd love to workout with Kamala. I feel like her energy would be immaculate in the gym.


 

Many of Kamala's policy positions are not well-defined. And it seems her campaign is counting on Americans to care more about her favorite foods than, say, what she thinks about the state of Israel or inflation or immigration or boys competing in girls' sports.


I fully support this strategy.


What we want to know—what we need to know—is what's in Kamala's snack pack.

Fortunately for us, the esteemed Associated Press did some good old-fashioned reporting to get to the bottom of this pressing political matter. They uncovered that she loves Doritos, collard greens, and caramel.


From the report:


Stopping at Dottie’s Market in Savannah during a campaign bus tour of southeastern Georgia last week, Harris became excited by what she saw on the counter.


“What is that cake?” she said.


Chocolate caramel, an employee answered.


“I want a slice of that. Caramel is like my favorite,” Harris said.


“Oh, chocolate and caramel?” she added after appearing to digest the description. The cake was covered in a white frosting with caramel on top and drizzling down the sides.


“Fantastic,” Harris said.


If you were on the Harris fence before, I hope this reporting from the AP (who said good journalism was dead?) gives you a fuller picture of what kind of commander-in-chief she will be.


 

Honorable Mention: President Biden, Most Grounded President

President Biden gets a lot of heat for being at the beach instead of, like, trying to prevent World War III and such. But he's become a health influencer through his beach days.


You see, sandy barefoot moments are an optimal form of grounding. Grounding—touching the earth's surface—reduces inflammation and can help with various diseases. For example (a totally random example), grounding can help slow neurodegeneration.


Biden's subtle nod to grounding is worth commending. Great job, Joe.

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