My Cholesterol Is High. I'm Happy About It.

+ announcing ROB's new ambassadors

Good morning everyone. Especially to those celebrating Shark Week, as I am.

We’re thrilled to announce Running On Butter’s latest ambassadors, who will rock a ROB sweatshirt in their respective regions. Each of you was selected based on your commitment to the movement.

To those who were not selected: it’s not that you’re not committed, per se; it’s just that the competition was stiff. Don’t think of this as rejection. Think of it as an opportunity to reflect, do the work, and be better. Applications open again in the fall.

The 10 winners of the ROB sweatshirt competition are announced below.

There were too many compelling contributions to pick just five winners, so we picked 10. I am humbled by ROB’s takeover and thrilled to continue this conquest with our new ambassadors.

(Winners: please DM me so I can send you your sweatshirt!)

Lila from Pennsylvania 🏆

“A ROB sweatshirt would be a most helpful tool to explain the wonders of butter to my oat-milk pilled, toxic dye filled, microplastic mogging friends!”

Lila: you’re giving us hope for the future.

Hannah from Dallas 🏆

“Ok I’m not going to win any vibes awards for pointing out a grammatical error but it must be done! Just want ROB to maintain the standard of high quality that it’s held for so many years. So at the risk of angering you and your unpaid intern, I’ll point out that it should read “the fewer the better”, not “the less the better” when talking about restaurants visited this month.”

Hannah: you’re a baller for having the courage to correct this infallible, sacred page. Game recognizes game.

Sasha from the Southeast 🏆

“There is no corporation too big, government too corrupt, or chemicals too damaging to warrant quitting doing what is right.”

Sasha: please run for president.

Abbie from New York City 🏆

“Someone needs to start telling people of this city that it IS possible to live a non toxic life in a toxic af city. Soon people will be cheering on the streets for raw milk, local farms, organic mattresses, and turning off the WiFi at night as loudly as they cheered for the Knicks winning the championship.”

Abbie: Zohran Mamdani will tremble when he learns of the ROB insurgence.

Annie from Washington State 🏆

“For DEI points, I am a straight stay-at-home mom in WA state, making me a minority.”

Annie: you’re in the trenches. Stay strong.

Jessie from New Zealand 🏆

“New Zealand needs some truths about the importance of consuming butter (and the nutritious whole foods that we grow here) - although there is a slight crisis about how the cost of our butter has skyrocketed recently! In fact, supermarkets even started importing some American butter at one point (sorry not sorry but it was terrible - so pale white and just ew).”

Jessie: We’re thrilled to know the ROB waves have reached the shores of New Zealand, but saddened to hear that our butter is not better. Disappointed but not surprised.

Judy from New Hampshire 🏆

“I’d be thankful and proud to wear my investment-quality ROB hoodie while not only RUNNING on butter, but also teaching my group of homeschool families to (responsibly) kick butt on butter (butt-kicking Buttercups, that’s the goal!) at Liberty Martial Arts.”

Judy: will you lead a ROB self-defense class? Could be life-saving in the event that Big Pharma or Big Chem shows up at our door.

Kaitlin from Michigan 🏆

“If you want to do business with me, know that I’m growing a baby in me. (Conceived due to the healthy vitamins my husband and I received from butter. This is our sixth baby. When we switched to a butter diet, yes, a butter diet indeed, our babies increasingly grew smarer. Coincidence? I think not.) The bigger I get, the more I’ll stand out. A waddling butter ambassador”

Kaitlin: eat at least 3 tablespoons of butter for a pain-free birth.

Alexis from Hawaii 🏆

“I also started listening to Alex in 2023 and since then have begun milling our own flour, purifying our condo with the elite Jaspr, have eliminated seed oils from our home, and gotten rid of our TVs before our first was even six months old (we’re currently traveling to visit family where my 1 year old just discovered what a remote control is)…”

Alexis: when can we come visit?

Amelia from Louisiana 🏆

“I recently made the move to the great state of Louisiana where I will be a nanny. You know I will be feeding those kids raw milk, my homemade sourdough, raw honey, and fresh eggs from their chickens. Unfortunately I ate out a lot more often this month than I usually do, but hey, I was traveling. The good thing about having a big family is that I am a representative within my whole family. When they asked why I did my nails in a butter yellow it opened the door for me to tell that all about ROB and what you stand for.”

Amelia: you are giving Fraulein Maria a run for her money.

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Today’s letter includes:

• Full breakdown of why my LDL cholesterol is high—and why I’m happy about it.

• The HHS cooking show ft. Bobby Kennedy

• Farmers’ markets boom

• Rethinking Red Bull

• RIP to LIV golf

• A Centralia man brings attention to fluoride in the municipal water